Why I left Holland…..

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As a child I was very privileged in that I got to do a lot of traveling. We had family in Malaysia so spent time exploring that part of the world. We also did the usual Florida Disney holiday and places in Europe etc. We rarely, if ever, booked package holidays. We’d just book flights and often sort out a hotel once we arrived. We’d rent cars or hire a driver for the duration and we’d pretty much just explore. We’d do the usual tourist haunts but also go further afield and try and see the ‘real’ country or city. It’s what holidays are about for me. Even on my last ‘family holiday’ with my dad, aunty and uncle, we broke out of the confines of our Cuban all inclusive resort and drove 4 hours away to Camaguay where we visited restaurants that required you to order your food two days in advance and I played pool with Cuban teenagers using broom handles.

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When we got Zephy’s diagnosis I reached out online. Google searches and Facebook groups and websites. Anything to discover more about Down Syndrome itself, to catch a glimpse of what life might actually be like, I wanted to see real life, not textbook diagrams pointing out physical features my son may or may not have. I wanted to know all the things my son could do in life, not a list of things he might not be able to do, or struggle with.

It was during this time that I came across ‘Welcome to Holland’. For those who have never heard of or read it, there is an image above. I initially loved it, it spoke to me, it justified my feelings, it reassured me. It was truly how I felt at that time. I now read it back and cringe a little. I related to it very much initially, even during pregnancy everything was different to the joyous journey we had planned and expected when we first saw those two pink lines. We weren’t in a place of cute bump photos, and gender reveals and elaborate baby showers. We were thrust into a world of amniocentesis, dreaded phone calls, heart scans, fetal hydrops and praying our baby would defy the doctors prediction of a 0% chance of survival. I certainly was in Holland alright! Or so I thought at the time.

Then Zephy was born. I sometimes feel like he wasn’t truly born until that day we brought him home from the hospital, like the two weeks we spent in the neonatal unit were like some weird part of pregnancy. That also felt like Holland. Despite everything, I’d convinced myself we’d only be in hospital a couple of nights so being there for what felt like an eternity (it really wasn’t long) was like torture. Tube feeding, monitors and scheduled feeding times, nothing was how I’d imagined or expected the first few weeks with my baby to be.

Then we can home, and life with Zephy truly started and let me tell you, I realised pretty quickly that…guess what…Holland was okay…but I’m heading back to Italy!

We might be taking a more scenic route somedays, visiting Oropa instead of Venice and venturing into unknown terrain but it’s still Italy and I wouldn’t want to travel any other way.

So whether you are in Italy or Holland or like me have visited both, just enjoy your trip!!